I really wish you were reading this to a Counting Crows song or something; I have a feeling that this would sound a lot more prolific with music. Anyways, 2012 is coming to a close, so before I head out all night to ring in a fresh year, I figure that it is a good time to reflect on the past one. 2012 was a year that was monumentally terrible at moments and just so beautiful at others. It was a year where I learned more about myself than ever before and grew in ways that I had not necessarily intended. It is important for me to remember this year, but also to let it go. What I will bring with me is this:
This year, I found out that I am going to be an aunt, so finally my name will have meaning. I learned that I actually like to work out (as long as it’s by doing Pilates). I had a relationship end that never should have been there to begin with. I started new exciting journeys, including this website, and began again multiple times. I found that with true hard work and thinking outside of the box, greatness actually can be achieved. I realized more than ever that I should always try to be nice and compassionate to people (even those I don’t necessarily like) because I have no idea what they could be going through; if there is a needle of a chance that my kindness could help relieve some of their misery, it is worth it to try. I took time to myself, while building new friendships along the way. I got completely wasted and then wasted away the next day (more times than I’d like to admit). I learned that I hate hospitals, but if you want to see love in its truest form, just walk around in one. I cut blunt bangs, against many people’s oppositions and they ended up being the best thing I’ve ever done for myself (not my words, quite a few people actually said this to me). I traveled, I laughed harder than ever before, cried even more, and found that I am about to graduate college with no idea what I want to do.
I realized that life is not just unfair, it’s sometimes downright menacing. That there are more important things than those confusing feelings of love, like a person’s character and integrity; if, when something horrible strikes, they will stand up and push through, instead of cowering into isolation, haunted by their own shadow. I also was lucky enough to be pushed to this point and realize that I am stronger than I ever thought. That when unfortunate things just keep hitting me in the face, I still push forward.
Each year, I learn over and over again that I know much less than I thought I did about life. It is so true that as we get older, things just get that much harder. I have learned that I can stand on my own two feet, without a shoulder to lean on, and I will perfectly fine. And for this, I will forever be grateful to you, 2012.
2013, you have some pretty big shoes to fill.