Ah, freedom. Now, I am not discussing freedom in a literal sense (land of the free), but on an emotional and mental level, how difficult is freedom, from stress, nerves and everything in between, to obtain? All of my life, I have struggled with just being slightly too much in my head, always trying to find the solution before there is even a question, never really letting myself go and just live, without expectations or regard. For many, freedom means different things. To some, it’s leaving a relationship or a job, while to others it is finding their other half or sky-diving. To me, freedom is being vacant of my persistent thoughts and just alive. Now more than ever, with college graduation and true adulthood looming, I just want to take the time to really embrace my own freeness.
I have always related to the quote, “if I’m free, it’s because I’m always running,” by Jimi Hendrix. My own personal interpretation of this is that even those that appear to be the most, um “with the wind,” are really just hiding from something; that in reality, we are all trapped mentally by something, even if some of us are better at shadowing it than others.
Since I am trying to find my own freedom, upon reflection I have to say that I am not running from much. In fact, I have realized that the restrictions that I often impose on myself are much more easily breakable than I previously imagined. I can be free, if I choose, and it is not because I am running, it is just because I actually am allowing myself to be.
In the end, sometimes the best mind games we play are the ones on ourselves, allowing fear and insecurities to keep up confined. There is a reason why all prisons are occupied mostly by multiple offenders and many abused wives repeatedly go back to their husbands; they have forgotten how to be free.
At the moment, I feel more that if I am running, it’s because I am free. And it feels good.
(Cardigan: Lucky Brand)